Compelling Conversations -
Do You Match?:
Questions for Those Thinking of Marriage – And Those
Who Are Already Married
"The heart has its reasons which reason does
not understand."
- Blaise Pascal (1623-1662) French philosopher
Reflecting: Who will you choose to share
your life with?
Use these questions as a springboard to reflect on your
options, choices, and desires.
- Why do (did) you want to get married?
- Do (did) you have a checklist of qualities for a potential
spouse?
- What are the three main qualifications on your checklist?
Partner? Provider? Lover? Friend?
- When did you fall in love? Did one person fall first?
Who?
- How did you know your lover was the one? How did your
thinking evolve?
- Do you think people should live together before they
get married? Why?
- Are sex, love and marriage linked in your mind, or is
each separate? How?
- What are some endearing qualities of your companion?
- What advice have your parents and close friends given
you? Your extended family? How important is their opinion
in your decision? Why?
- Do you think you are marrying only an individual or are
you also marrying your spouse's family? How would you describe
your potential in-laws?
- Do you expect to be the pilot, co-pilot, or passenger
in the marriage? Why?
- What, if anything, would definitely cause you to divorce?
Why?
- Thinking about personal preferences, do you like to stay
up late or get up early? Do you have compatible sleeping
habits?
- Do you have similar media habits? What about tastes in
TV shows and movies?
- Which meals do you want to eat together? Why? Who will
probably cook?
- Where do you prefer to live? Country? City? Farm? Apartment?
House?
- How will you and your spouse decide if you disagree?
- Are you a pack rat? Are you a neat freak? Are your styles
compatible?
Vocabulary: Review these words and expressions.
Circle the words that you know.
| potential |
neat |
freak |
spouse |
| nupital |
conflicts |
checklist |
resolve |
| pre-nuptial |
compatible |
pack rat |
justify |
| evolve |
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Proverbs: What do these proverbs mean?
Can you share some other proverbs?
The needle is always accompanied by the thread.
- Korean proverb
Strange is the affinity that binds two in marriage.
- Japanese proverb
Whoever marries only for beauty will live in misery.
- Russian proverb
THE CONVERSATION CONTINUES...
- Will you still love your partner when they are 64? Will
they love you with wrinkles? Do you know an older couple
that might be a model?
- What activities do you enjoy in your leisure time? Will
your spouse join you?
- Do you and your lover share spending philosophies? Do
you shop together?
- Do you expect to live with older generations? Who? Why?
Where? When?
- What is your approach to settling conflicts? How often
do you have conflicts?
- Do you want children? How many? Do you believe in birth
control?
- How do you think your baby would look like? Why?
- What kind of parent do you expect your spouse to become?
Why?
- Would you want your sons to be like the man you're marrying?
Would you want your daughters to be like the woman you're
marrying?
- Do you expect to follow family or religious traditions?
Which ones? Why?
- If disagreements arise about children, how do you expect
to resolve them?
- Do you think all money should be shared or should each
spouse have separate bank accounts? Why? How do you expect
to manage household expenses?
- What were the best gifts that you’ve given or received
in the relationship?
- What passions do you share? What unites you as a couple?
- Do you have a favorite photograph of you as a couple?
Can you describe it?
- Where do you want to travel together? What do you want
to see together?
- What are you looking forward to doing together as a married
couple?
- How do you expect your life to change once you are married?
What are some advantages of being married?
- Do you have any tips or suggestions on how to preserve
a happy marriage?
Quotations: Which two quotations come closest to
your attitudes?
- "By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll
become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
- Socrates (470-339 BC) Greek philosopher
- “Man’s best possession is a sympathetic wife.”
Euripides (480-406 BC), playwright
- “I’m so gullible. I’m so damn gullible.
And I am so sick of being gullible.”
- Lana Turner (1921-1995), Hollywood star married seven
times
- “Love is the ideal thing, marriage a real thing;
a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished.”
- Goethe (1749-1832), German poet, novelist, and scientist
- "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready
for an institution."
- Mae West (1892-1980), American actress
- “It is impossible to love and to be wise.”
- Francis Bacon (1561-1626), scientist and philosopher
- “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
Ali McGraw in Love Story (1970)
- Marriage: A word that should be pronounced “mirage.”
- Herbert Spencer (1820-1903), English philosopher
- “No matter who you get married to, you wake up married
to somebody else.”
- Marlon Brando in Guys and Dolls (1955)
- “Second marriage: the triumph of hope over experience.”
- Dr. Samuel Johnson (1709-1784), English writer
- “Marriage is a very good thing, but I think it’s
a mistake to make a habit of it.”
- W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965), English novelist
- “A happy marriage is a long conversation that always
seems too short.”
- Andre Maurois (1885-1967), French author
- “A successful marriage is not a gift; it is an achievement.”
- Ann Landers (1918-2002), American advice columnist
ON YOUR OWN :
With your class partner, list
three celebrity marriages that have ended in divorce. For
each couple who divorced, list two reasons you think their
marriage did not last. Then, list three marriages of well-known
people that have lasted more than 20 years. For each couple,
list two reasons why you think their marriage lasted. Share
with the class.
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